February 2012
31 posts
Thanks, google!
I’d like to give a quick shout out to Google’s book preview option. Thanks to this feature I just kicked a midterm’s ass. Why was I using the book preview option and not the book, you ask? Because I didn’t know there was a book until I went to take the midterm.
And goodnight.
Cleo is using Matt for evil. Every morning he texts me when he wakes up early in the morning. I always know he’s texted me because Cleo wakes up and meows. As soon as she hears my text noise she knows it’s breakfast time. I’m imagining that if Cleo meets Matt’s cat one day the world will have two new super villains who will use both of us for their evil plan. I’ve...
True Life: I sing to my pets
Last night I sang a song to Mags. It was titled “Are you a duck or a rabbit?” It was set to the tune of “Muppet or a Man” from The Muppet move. I was playing with him on the floor when I noticed his head looked like a duck.
“Are you a duck? Or are you a rabbit? (are you a rabbit?) If you’re a rabbit then you’re a very ducky rabbit.”
My favorite...
1 tag
Small victories
I went out tonight and I wore my hair down the entire time! I didn’t feel the need to put it up at all. Usually when I wear my hair down I have this dying need to tie it up. I didn’t think about it at all. I’ve finally perfected a hair routine, that post will follow.
Also I wore heels! Well, my new favorite wedges. CLOSE ENOUGH.
February 15th
I just took our Christmas tree down. It’s a sad day in our household. I was hoping she’d stay alive through Easter but we can’t all be that lucky. We had big plans for a Presidents Day themed tree with American flags and anti communist propaganda. We noticed the tree completely died yesterday. I thought it would’ve been hilarious if the tree caught fire. “4 die in...
Yesterday I bought my first big girl appliance. I bought a nice new vacuum cleaner! Sadly I do not have $600 to buy the Dyson Animal vacuum but the one I bought claims to be comparable. I really need Mary to wake up so I can vacuum the life out of the house. I feel like a kid on Christmas waiting for her parents to wake up.
2 tags
Saturday afternoon I brought home 4 boxes of girl scout cookies. Today I had to call my cookie dealer and put in an order for two more boxes. Mary told me an hour ago I need to order another box. I felt like the shadiest character buying my cookies yesterday. It was snowing so I ran to her car and hopped in the front seat. I handed her the money and I ran back out of the car with a bag full of...
I came home from doing laundry and I started choking as soon as I entered the apartment. My chest felt hot and I couldn’t breathe. Mary was making pesto. I coughed out “ARE YOU USING BASIL?”
I am sitting by an open window in 25 degree weather just to breathe. I have the worst allergies. :(
1 tag
I'm putting in my resignation at the lobster this...
Here are my ideas for various forms of resignations I can give:
Have Zac drop a beat on our intercom while I do a freestyle rap.
Free the lobsters in the restaurant.
Run out the door yelling “I QUIT” and then ghost ride out of the parking lot.
Bring in cupcakes that spell out “I quit!”
I’m leaving because I am not respected. None of the managers care about me as...
1 tag
Goddamn you, USPS.
I just checked the tracking number on a package I mailed. It says “undeliverable as addressed” I wrote the address correctly, but I have difficult to read handwriting. It won’t be delivered back to me because I wrote my address even smaller than the delivery address.
So I hope that whoever gets my package enjoys love notes, bourbon cookies, Joanna Newsom on vinyl and perfectly...
SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome is a real thing. Oh boy is it real. What a bitch it is. I’m so nauseated and cranky. I can’t get comfortable anywhere. I can’t think straight or open my eyes without getting vertigo. I guess I’ll always have this problem and it’s something I need to get used to. There won’t ever be a time in my life when I’ll be without...
I have a coupon for a buy one get one free personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. All of my friends are at work right now so I can’t share my coupon and honestly I could eat two personal pan pizzas. I wish I had the confidence to be like “yes, I’ll have two personal pan pizzas. Here is my coupon.”
My dress
is gone. Someone bought it while I was at dinner, literally 10 minutes before I clicked on the page to buy it. If any of you assholes bought that dress I will LITERALLY FIND YOU, BEAT YOU UP AND TAKE MY DRESS BACK.
1 tag
That awkward moment
when you invite over a friend from your past who you think is gay and he thinks it’s a booty call.
Oh.
Things I will never get over:
Dresses from the 50s and 60s are almost all size XS/S.
I will never be able to raise a herd of St Bernards because of my allergies.
How bad the yogurt Mary eats smells. I have to bury it in the trash can when she’s not looking. It’s some sort of really good for you organic yogurt but it smells like nightmares
2 tags
nellienellie:
The new Jason Wu line for Target is pretty much just for you cool ladies in the manageable breast department.
:(
totally picking up the cat scarf, though.
Also just for the ladies in the manageable hips department as well. Did you see all of those pleats? GOOD NIGHT. There are some cute designs but I don’t know many women who can pull off pleats. Over all I give the...
Susan G Komen defunds Planned Parenthood →
The Komen organization clearly cares about cancer screenings.