January 2009
88 posts
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You can't use it on a standardized test, anyway:... →
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Dodgeball
Today at work we played dodgeball with the kids. After they witnessed my awesome skills in the first round (lack of ball catching, running from the ball and accidentally getting my entire team out) I was picked last for the next round. I am almost 21 years old and today a crowd of middle schoolers picked me last for dodgeball. Some things never change!
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It’s nearly 10pm on a Friday night and I am sitting alone in my room watching Summer Heights High and eating steamed broccoli. My life has just hit a new record low.
IM me so we can chat? My AIM is “very literally”
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What Makes A Good Girlfriend?
As answered by men in Women’s Health magazine.
1. Financially Independent 2. Loyal 3. Intelligent 4. Responsible 5. Good in Bed
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“Immortal” Jellyfish Ages Backwards →
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“Do i have to stand up naked on the table with a tambourine to get him to let us...”
– Me IMing Courtney in regards to our professor ignoring our attempts to point out that it’s time to leave class
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“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose...”
– Groucho Marx
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“It is broken but i’m good as long as i’m not feeling anything that...”
– Brittney on her new Big Bang Theory mood theme for LJ
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I Want to Fly to San Juan
Me: Oh I just got an email from AirTran
Courtney: Who is that? An old boyfriend?
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Shoes or Sex?
Zinnia: you can't have good secks with boring guys :\
Zinnia: you either settle for boring sex with someone who will buy you shoes
Zinnia: or get good sex from some asshole
Me: ughh i like shoes more than sex
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I'm Destined to Marry a Jew
Me: Oh I love that Basilica. I'd like to get married there.
Courtney: Why? You know you're going to get married in a temple.
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“Catholic Mass is really just cardio and a snack”
– Courtney & I talking about Mass in a room full of Baptists
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“My laziness has reached a whole new level. I’m now too lazy to read.”
– Me on my new love for audio books
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“Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the...”
– Marcel Achard (via boredintheburbs)
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“My advice on losing your virginity? Just make sure you take his boxers off for...”
– Adam McDaniel on the loss of virginity, circa 2006
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“I was going to be a computer engineer until I realized the only reason people do...”
– Adam McDaniel on his sudden career change
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Yes, I am watching Miss America
derbygirl:
tapatmywindow:
derbygirl:
and no, I am not at all ashamed
Me too! I made Adam search for it so we could watch it… I’m the only one enjoying it.
Haha, my Adam retreated to the spare room and is watched Arrested Development. He wanted no part of this!
Yeah, I think he’s playing WOW now. While I’m sitting here talking about how slutty Miss Florida’s dresses...
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Yes, I am watching Miss America
derbygirl:
and no, I am not at all ashamed
Me too! I made Adam search for it so we could watch it… I’m the only one enjoying it.
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“WE ALREADY HAVE A GOLD DIGGING WHORE IN OUR CLIQUE JADE”
– Zinnia on why I can’t become a gold digging whore
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I Hate Driving
Driving tomorrow is going to be fun. Going from my house to NC State to Sephora to Adam’s = 6 hours 18 minutes, 363 miles.
Sephora is about 20 minutes out of the way but what the hell, I need to take a trip to the motherland.
Red bull + Chelsea Handler reading Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea to me via my ipod + evian = my bffs tomorrow.
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Oscars
This is the first year that I’ve seen the bulk of the nominated films. I’m calling the winners right now so you can all just read them and be impressed in a month :) I feel like I’m overlooking Benjamin Button… I’d be willing to guess that it’ll take more than I guessed here.
Best Actor: Sean Penn Milk
Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger The Dark Knight
Actress:...
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“Thank God you’re here! Grandma’s Been Raped!”
– Summer Heights High
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Lost...
20 minutes in and my head already hurts.
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I have two cats. One is named Cleocatra and the other is Nathaniel Pawthorne. Today I found out that Katy Perry has a cat named Kitty Purry. I will never, ever reach this level of wit. I hereby resign from my witty pet naming.
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lindsaysue:
I need a film crew.
Story of my life, girl.
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Jenna and Barbara's Advice to Sasha and Malia →
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Oh No Snow
I’m sick of snow days! One has already been called for tomorrow. There was one today. Monday was MLK Day and Friday is a teacher work day. If all goes well, I will only be working one day this week. Boo!
Oh well, eating fro-yo and watching the big black women fight with each other on The Biggest Loser is a lovely way to spend a snow day.
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A Sympathetic Household...
Me: Mom, it's like The Grapes of Wrath in the kitchen.
Mom: Well, maybe you should go on The Biggest Loser. They're eating cupcakes and tacos right now.
Me: Isn't that counterproductive?
Mom: I don't care. I just like seeing people bigger than me eat tacos.
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My Mom's a Whore
Me: I hope that my new gynecologist isn't hot.
Mom: Why? I've been spread eagle in front of many attractive men.
Mom: I mean at the doctor's office...
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“I can’t hold it anymore! I’m going to have to crap in a bag!”
– My mother relaying this information to me, unaware that my window was down as we were stuck in post-accident traffic.
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“If you burn the house down, you actually have to move out.”
– My mother regarding the small matter where I leave the stove burners on after cooking. (via icanseenewyorkcityfrommyhouse)