February 2012
26 posts
1 tag
Small victories
I went out tonight and I wore my hair down the entire time! I didn’t feel the need to put it up at all. Usually when I wear my hair down I have this dying need to tie it up. I didn’t think about it at all. I’ve finally perfected a hair routine, that post will follow.
Also I wore heels! Well, my new favorite wedges. CLOSE ENOUGH.
February 15th
I just took our Christmas tree down. It’s a sad day in our household. I was hoping she’d stay alive through Easter but we can’t all be that lucky. We had big plans for a Presidents Day themed tree with American flags and anti communist propaganda. We noticed the tree completely died yesterday. I thought it would’ve been hilarious if the tree caught fire. “4 die in...
Yesterday I bought my first big girl appliance. I bought a nice new vacuum cleaner! Sadly I do not have $600 to buy the Dyson Animal vacuum but the one I bought claims to be comparable. I really need Mary to wake up so I can vacuum the life out of the house. I feel like a kid on Christmas waiting for her parents to wake up.
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Saturday afternoon I brought home 4 boxes of girl scout cookies. Today I had to call my cookie dealer and put in an order for two more boxes. Mary told me an hour ago I need to order another box. I felt like the shadiest character buying my cookies yesterday. It was snowing so I ran to her car and hopped in the front seat. I handed her the money and I ran back out of the car with a bag full of...
I came home from doing laundry and I started choking as soon as I entered the apartment. My chest felt hot and I couldn’t breathe. Mary was making pesto. I coughed out “ARE YOU USING BASIL?”
I am sitting by an open window in 25 degree weather just to breathe. I have the worst allergies. :(
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I'm putting in my resignation at the lobster this...
Here are my ideas for various forms of resignations I can give:
Have Zac drop a beat on our intercom while I do a freestyle rap.
Free the lobsters in the restaurant.
Run out the door yelling “I QUIT” and then ghost ride out of the parking lot.
Bring in cupcakes that spell out “I quit!”
I’m leaving because I am not respected. None of the managers care about me as...
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Goddamn you, USPS.
I just checked the tracking number on a package I mailed. It says “undeliverable as addressed” I wrote the address correctly, but I have difficult to read handwriting. It won’t be delivered back to me because I wrote my address even smaller than the delivery address.
So I hope that whoever gets my package enjoys love notes, bourbon cookies, Joanna Newsom on vinyl and perfectly...
SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome is a real thing. Oh boy is it real. What a bitch it is. I’m so nauseated and cranky. I can’t get comfortable anywhere. I can’t think straight or open my eyes without getting vertigo. I guess I’ll always have this problem and it’s something I need to get used to. There won’t ever be a time in my life when I’ll be without...
I have a coupon for a buy one get one free personal pan pizza at Pizza Hut. All of my friends are at work right now so I can’t share my coupon and honestly I could eat two personal pan pizzas. I wish I had the confidence to be like “yes, I’ll have two personal pan pizzas. Here is my coupon.”
My dress
is gone. Someone bought it while I was at dinner, literally 10 minutes before I clicked on the page to buy it. If any of you assholes bought that dress I will LITERALLY FIND YOU, BEAT YOU UP AND TAKE MY DRESS BACK.
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That awkward moment
when you invite over a friend from your past who you think is gay and he thinks it’s a booty call.
Oh.
Things I will never get over:
Dresses from the 50s and 60s are almost all size XS/S.
I will never be able to raise a herd of St Bernards because of my allergies.
How bad the yogurt Mary eats smells. I have to bury it in the trash can when she’s not looking. It’s some sort of really good for you organic yogurt but it smells like nightmares
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nellienellie:
The new Jason Wu line for Target is pretty much just for you cool ladies in the manageable breast department.
:(
totally picking up the cat scarf, though.
Also just for the ladies in the manageable hips department as well. Did you see all of those pleats? GOOD NIGHT. There are some cute designs but I don’t know many women who can pull off pleats. Over all I give the...
Susan G Komen defunds Planned Parenthood →
The Komen organization clearly cares about cancer screenings.
January 2012
53 posts
1 tag
Cucumber infused water
Today I made cucumber infused water. I use the term “made” loosely. All I really did was cut up half a cucumber, throw the slices into an infuser ball and add that plus some water to a pitcher. It’s so delicious. It tastes like a dream.
I can now offer guests a cold glass of cucumber water. I feel like the 1%.
My grandmother’s mind is pretty much gone. I honestly don’t think she’ll be with us more than another year or two. She’s twice as bad as she was the last time I saw her two months ago. I haven’t seen her because she was in Florida staying with one of my aunts.
She came over with my mom yesterday to play with the baby I was babysitting. She thought he was my baby for...
Why I love you on a Saturday
I love you because last night when you told me why you loved me I had no words. I always have something to say, but last night I couldn’t construct a thought or a sentence.
I love you because you read my blog every day, even when it’s just cat pictures.
I love you because drinking beer and watching SVU marathons on the couch is also your idea of romance.
I love you because you...
Food problem
So lately I’ve not been craving any food. I’m hungry, but all food looks disgusting to me. I’m getting sick every time I eat because my body doesn’t want anything. I have no idea what’s going on but I’m really hungry. Do any of you know what could possibly be going on? Forcing myself to eat isn’t working because like I said, all food looks gross and...
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My trustworthy mom
Me: I'm babysitting Miles tomorrow at 11.
Mom: Your grandma and I will be over around 10:30.
Me: What are you coming into town for?
Mom: To watch you handle a baby.
Dear tumblr buddy,
thank you kindly for the package you mailed me last week! It made my day a lot brighter. You are so thoughtful and kind. I hope that one day (when I find out who you are!) I can be the friend to you that you have been to me.
Also we use the same colored bubble wrap. I feel like that’s a sign.
1 tag
Jade Style
has gone out of style. I went to the mall today and everything is god awful ugly. I haven’t bought clothes in months because there is nothing cute in stores. I cannot pull of neon, khaki, cropped shirts, or cap sleeves. That’s all there seems to be in stores. What happened to a polka dot dress, a non-boyfriend cardigan and some ballet flats? DAMN. I hate all of this 80’s yuppie...
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As soon as I started using the term “I love you” in emails (last night) google ads has started promoting weddings, vacations, and love songs to me. Before they used to give me discounts on cat food and glasses.
Google, you’re an asshole. I still need those cat food coupons.
See Jade Blog
is getting dangerously close to becoming See Jade Gush About the Man in Her Life.
It’ll be a nice break from liveblogging my cat’s every move, am I right?
“If I knew words enough, I could write the longest love letter in the world and...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald (via spheres)
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Last night I called Zac while he was at work and left a message. I said “I’m thinking about going to TJ Maxx right now. I’ll call you later if you want to hangout.” Cut to 3 hours later and I’m at Target in the clearance clothes. I hear Zac say “I knew I’d find you here.”
You guys, he knew I’d be at Target. Target and TJ Maxx are not really...
Irrational Fears: confirmed
I find cruise ships terrifying. I don’t like being in open water, I’m very claustrophobic, and shipwrecks scare me. My parents have always wanted to go on a cruise but their whiny only child was always too afraid. Then a ship wrecks this week? Check and mate, mom and dad. What’s next, giant praying mantis?
lookingforleeway:
My Mom is my BFF and That’s Weird
notsoplainandtall:
liligolightly:
ohheyychrissy:
Yup. When people hear the stuff my sisters and I tell my mom they can’t believe we share that much/talk like that. But we do. And it’s awesome. She’s 1/2 mom and 1/2 best friend. And I think that’s the perfect combination.
I basically could have written this article. I never went...
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I'm going to break my first bone tomorrow night
I’m going to a roller skating reddit meetup tomorrow at 7. I have not roller skated in at least 15 years. I should also note that I’m having my eyes examined at 3:40 tomorrow afternoon so my eyes may still be slightly dilated. If I die consider this my will and testament. Cleo goes to whoever can tolerate her feeding schedule and constant cuddles. The rest of my stuff should have to be...
RuPaul's Drag Race has the best one liners
“If you’re gonna be crazy, be crazy with a purpose.”
“You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.”
“I hope you still have your middle earth phone card because the hobbits are calling.”